Eventually all of this craziness became too much and we moved to Arizona, where after a year of feeling completely isolated, a band called Vrota, and a direction that I felt was not where I wanted to go, I discovered how miserable I was.
I left and moved to San Francisco for what started out as a six month vacation and ended up to be a five year rebirth.
I found myself in a troupe called Dream Circus, creating amazing ritual on stage with a lighter edge to it. We played like clowns, and performed all over San Francisco and Nevada. Within my first year in SF I had returned to theatre, and experienced The Burning Man Festival which completely changed my life. I dyed my hair pink and started really focusing on creating a new persona for myself.
In May of 1996, I had a flashback
and remembered being molested when I was three by a still unknown perpetrator.
In my processing, therapy, groups, and hands-on-healing, I realized how
much I had sabotaged my life. Preventing myself from accomplishing the
things I initially had dreamt of.
In June 1996, I was at a planning
meeting for a Burning Man fundraiser, and a discussion came up about being
able to have a rigger hang someone from their ankle...I don't know why,
but I immediately had a vision for an aerial performance involving a giant
spider web! I quickly wrote the script and handed it to the organizers.
As they said, "you know, we can fill your spot if you don't finish," and
"are you sure you can do this?". I built a 17 foot spiderweb, learned nautical
splicing techniques, organized the music, went to circus school for a day
to feel what it was like to be upside down and purchase equipment, choreographed
my part of the piece, and worked with the rigger. All while choreographing
6 performers and myself in a fear ritual that was the second half of the
performance. This performance was the representation of the freedom I was
feeling from my discovery. I had found myself and nothing was going to
stop me from my dreams anymore! "Psyche in Fairyland" was a success.